As for being your lover, I'll be honored to take the job until you find another warrior who wields a sword as mighty as yours.
— What Lurks at the Heart of the River Sin (Act 2, Scene 5)
The ache in Linsan's chest returned as she stood at the door to Brook's room. She had two mugs of tea in her hand, one that was still swirling with creamer and sugar, and a large bowl filled with food balanced on both. That left her one hand to knock on the door but she couldn't find the courage to do so.
What if she would reject her again? What if she just got silence for the second day in a row? What if they never made amends and ended up either giving up or going their separate ways?
The urge to run away still burned in the back of her thoughts. It would be so easy to just walk away and pretend she never tried. She could pretend she was staying away and giving her space.
But the lie would still be there.
Even if Brook didn't know, Linsan would.
She steeled herself and rapped on the door.
There was a thump, a muted gasp, and then another thump. The door rattled as Brook fumbled with the handle. Then it flew open.
Brook, wearing her dressing gown stumbled as she straightened up. She looked tired, with her makeup slightly marred and her laces not quite straight. She took a deep breath as she looked at Linsan, a mixture of relief and hope on her face.
Linsan almost sobbed with relief. Seeing Brook was an immense relief, quelling the fears of her friend leaving the middle of the night or them parting. Not being answered with screaming and tears also quieted the fears that had been bubbling for days inside her.
She picked the bowl off the top of the mugs. It rattled as she revealed the mugs. “They didn't have that ‘asan nogi’ you liked, but they had plenty of cream and sugar.”
A smile broke through Brook's expression. “Asanōgi. It's a desert tea.”
“As… sorry. But I asked.”
Brook took the mug from Linsan's hand. She drew it close and breathed the steam in. A soft coo escaped her lips and she took a light touch. “Thank you, this… helps.”
Linsan squirmed for a moment. “C-Could I come in?”
Brook froze.
Neither said anything for a moment.
Then she nodded and stepped back, levering the door open to give Linsan access. She stepped back until she could sit on the edge of the bed.
The room was neatly done up: the travel luggage put away, the bed made up, and even the rest of the room tidied. It look like Brook had been up for hours.
Saying nothing, Linsan sat on the edge of the near Brook. She didn't know what to say. Instead, she held the bowl out.
Brook took a piece with her fingers and ate it.
Then another.
Then she gestured for Linsan to have some also.
Feeling awkward and uncomfortable, Linsan picked up a piece of toast and used it to dip into the runny eggs along one side of the bowl. It was soft and creamy.
Neither said anything as they slowly ate from the same bowl.
Linsan wanted to say something to fill the quiet, but nothing came to mind. She was afraid of saying the wrong thing, or setting off more tears from either of them. She focused on taking bites, savouring each one.
The silence grew sharp and painful.
Outside, there were only a few sounds of chickens and a dog barking. For the most part, it sounded as empty as the night before though the buzz of insects were louder.
Brook cleared her throat. “I heard you talking to Miska last night.”
Shocked, Linsan froze as she listened.
“I was at the top of the stairs when she offered… to…” Brook's tears shimmered. “… bed you.”
“I said no.”
“I know but there was this moment… that I thought you would say yes.”
“Never!” Linsan's throat felt tight. “I mean what I said. I realize it probably wasn't the best way of telling you, but I had just realized it myself.”
“Was that night a mistake?”
Linsan's body tensed at Brook's question. She worked her mouth to find the words, terrified to answer. But seeing Brook looking at her, tears shimmering in her eyes, forced her to speak. “No… it wasn't a mistake.”
“But, you didn't like it?”
Linsan sighed. “I… like it. I mean, it felt good…”
“But…?”
“But…” Linsan held up her free hand. “I don't know how to explain it but… I don't think I'm attracted to anyone.”
“Not even guys?”
Linsan shook her head as she said, “No, not really. You remember Kalerson? That boy in school?”
Brook smiled broadly. “Oh, him. Everyone was in the school swooning over him because he had all those muscles from working on the farm, but he also was articulate, well-read, a good dancer, and had that refined Tarsan accent. My sisters were obsessed with him and furious because he was in our class.”
She rolled her eyes as some of the tension left her shoulders. “Oh, they were writing poems about his eyes and hands. It was the only thing they talked about in the bathroom for days.”
Brook paused for a moment. “Not even him? I thought all the girls liked him.”
“Well, you didn't like him either.”
“He was a self-important pile of shit.”
Linsan grinned. “Yes, but you definitely liked his sister, Karelin.”
Brook frowned for a moment, her brow furrowing, and then brightened. She giggled. “I did. She was elegant and so pretty.”
Then her eyes grew wistful. “She was my first kiss.”
“Really?”
Brook blushed and smile.
Linsan could tell it was a little forced but that is what they both needed in that moment. “And she also had the same accent and she wore those dresses? You had her around your fingers back when—” Linsan paused as she remembered the last time she saw Karelin.
Brook's face fell. “That was when we fought at your valley. When we both manifested powers.” She sighed. “Daddy moved me to the new school after that and we stopped seeing each other every day. I think she was my… first crush.”
Linsan caught the pause. “First?”
A blush colored Brook's cheeks. “M… Maybe my second.” She peeked over at Linsan. “Okay, third.”
It took Linsan a moment to register. “Me? You had a flame for me?”
Brook gave a little nod. “You were always… different than the others. You didn't really care what others thought, and you were so confident. Your dances always put everyone to shame. You didn't really walk through the school, you flowed. And you had the prettiest mother that everyone wanted….”
Seeing Brook's cheeks grow even darker brought a smile to Linsan's face. “You had a flame for my mother!?”
Brook almost spilled her tea as she started to bury her hand in her face. Only the last minute prevented it from ruining the bed. Her blush continued down her throat. “S-Stop looking at me!”
Linsan fought to push the smile away as she looked away. She knew that, in her prime, her mother was the subject of many fantasies. More than a few drunks had told her when they were at the bottom of their cups. But, probably in a sign of her own disinterest, Linsan had just acknowledged it without being bothered.
Neither said anything for a while, but the awkwardness had somehow dissolved.
“I'm sorry I wasn't… able to be what you needed.”
“Did… you at least enjoy it?”
Linsan nodded. “I did. Very much.”
“But you don't want more?”
She turned back. “Sorry.”
“I mean, you really don't like anyone, even boys?”
“Not even myself.” Linsan whispered at the revelation. A whimper rose in her throat.
Brook stared in shock. “You mean, you don't even…?” she beckoned with two fingers.
Linsan shook her head.
“Oh.” Brook exhaled hard. “I never imagined that was possible.”
Cheeks burning, Linsan ducked her head. “… not exactly something you tell people in public. I didn't really think about it. My mother asked me some questions when my monthly came, but it never went much further because I had no interest in boys. I just never really thought about it since.”
Brook reached out.
Linsan held up the bowl but Brook took it and set it down.
Brook's hand caught Linsan's and held it tight.
Linsan felt a sob rising in her throat. She stroked her hand against Brook's palm. “I'm… sorry.”
“I'm not. I mean, I was upset but… it was the first time for me too. I was worried I did the wrong thing. Was I too rough? Or didn't do enough? Did I do well?”
With a grin, Linsan nodded. “From my observations of some of the randiest people who traveled with my mother, you are more than good. And you are going to make some lovely lady very happy and your name is going to be screamed out into the darkness many times.”
Brook giggled. “Thank you, even if it is a bit crude.”
“If you want, I can find a play that—”
“No.” Brook's shoulders relaxed slightly. “No, no quotes.”
Linsan turned more toward Brook. She clasped their hands with her other hand. “Well, you are the adventure I would have been most honored to take.”
Brook smiled, and then she let out a little snort. “That's a quote, isn't it?”
“Yes…. from What Lurks at the Heart of the River Sin.”
Brook's lips tightened.
Linsan cringed, afraid she said the wrong thing and ruined the fragile friendship growing between them.
Then a smirk. A snort before Brook's shoulders shook with her laughter. “Oh, how could you use that line? Even I know that play. And that was the worst line in it! How could you?”
Linsan smiled bashfully. “This is all new to me! I don't know what to say. I've never had friends and this is really awkward.”
Brook leaned forward, her body shifting toward her and her lips coming closer.
Surprised, Linsan inhaled sharply.
With her free hand, Brook carefully turned Linsan's chin to the kiss before kissing her on the cheek. “How about, 'I will always be there.'”
Another quote from the same play. It was a good line, a much better choice. Linsan smiled and kissed Brook's cheek and continued the quote, “I will always be there for you, through the sands of the desert and the rain on the waves. I will be the light to mark safe harbor. And, when you finally need to sail past, I shall shine the way to guide you to where you are most needed.”